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This year signifies a full decade since the term “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, finding a partner has only become more confounding – an commonly pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Zoomers, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more extensive and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a detailed glossary to the terms this generation is using to navigate love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, romance's gold standard is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's response is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means going for someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A date where two people connect while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes couples who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal quirks suggesting a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits confirm your choice to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that instantly shut down any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic act.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {